Archive for Juli, 2017

On the Dutch

When I moved to Amsterdam, two years ago, I thought I understood how the Dutch were like. I thought they were basically Germans who spoke funny. This also describes all Germans outside of Hannover, so I honestly expected there to be no surprises for me at all. But I came to the realization that I don’t understand the Dutch at all and that they are a great mystery. See, the Dutch are the only sensible people on the planet. I used to think that Germans were sensible too, what with our respect for order, efficiency, and rules, but we’re only sensible on the surface, really. Scratch a Dutch person and underneath you will find another sensible person. You can keep doing that on each layer and you will find that it’s true all the way down. (though they would quite sensibly stop you before you drew blood). Dutch people are sensible because it’s the sensible thing to do.

Germans are only sensible because it’s the right thing to do. And we’re obsessed with doing the right thing. Why? because we have an inferiority complex. Why? Because of the fucking French. See the French are not sensible at all. They don’t even attempt to be sensible. The French are a bunch of obnoxious perverted unfaithful French speaking makers of meat based public health hazards who have the audacity to attempt to keep their language free of anglicisms. But that’s not the worst, the worst is that, eating their Andouillette (I bet half of the letters aren’t even pronounced) while fucking their wife, and their mistress, and their mistress‘ wife, they still manage to use their „Ordinateur“ and do engineering that not only keeps up with, but occasionally even surpasses, German engineering. Fucking Arianespace, by right it shouldn’t be possible.

See how bend out of shape I got about the French. A Dutch person would never do that. About any topic. Because they’re sensible.

Aside: the next time a German is berating you because you’re 16 minutes late, which is one minute more than the sensible limit on being late, know that they’re fuming inside because thE FUCKING TGV IS FASTER THAN THE ICE.


If you want to know why the Dutch do what they do it’s because it’s sensible.

Why do the Dutch go everywhere by bike? because in their flat and densely populated country it’s sensible.

Why have the Dutch decriminalized Marijuana? because it’s sensible to not worry about a bit of THC.

Why were the Dutch so successful traders? because when you deal with unsensible people (cf. the Germans, French, and everyone else who is not Dutch) it super helps when you’re sensible yourself.

Why are Dutch movies and music kinda boring? because the emotions you need to feel to make great art are not sensible.

Why are the Dutch open minded and tolerant since before these were even concepts? you get the idea.

It has been and continues to be enjoyable and relaxing to live among such sensible people. It’s just this one thing that I can’t let go, this question I can’t answer, this mystery that keeps itching: How? How can anyone be so sensible? Just how?

Misschien moet ik niet zo veel erover nadenken en gewoon normaal doen.


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